dragonlugia: Music

Disturbed Sydney

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 12:22:00 GMT

I went and saw Disturbed the other night. I suppose it was the second time I've ever mixed with the dark goth and metalhead culture. They are not my people. I have no people.

My biggest gripe is about the idiots in the audience. I started in the front section of the crowd (for the main event, not the random support bands) so obviously I was getting squashed. I didn't mind that so much though, people squash in just enough without overdoing it. But a few squashy rows behind, these stupid guys started deliberately ramming into people. The ripples that went through the crowd were unbearable for someone my size, so I squeezed back into an open area, only do discover it was the centre of the fuckwit ramming party. These guys rammed each other, then rammed straight into me while I was still giving them my shocked and appalled death stare. I don't care how aggressive the music is, it's stupid. Not just because they were practically attacking me, a tiny female (and black belt, although too small to make a dent), but because of the crowd surges they caused. Crowd surges can seriously injure and even kill people. That's not the culture the band supports, they even told the audience that if your "brother or sister" falls beside you, you pick them up. I saw one unconscious guy get dragged out of the crowd squash soon after I moved to the back.

So in the back, I couldn't see anything. If I wanna listen to a band and jump around surrounded by people with the bass flowing through me, I can just get 20 people into my room, dim the lights, turn up my subwoofer and speakers to max. Same bloody effect, apart from all the showing off that live bands do. I didn't get to see any of that showing off. A glimpse of a guitar, a drum kit, sometimes the singer, but I felt rather cheated. Next time I go see a band, I'm getting seats. I don't need to be squashed, I don't need tall guys standing in front of me, or ramming straight into me. I want to be able to see more than the lights playing on the ceiling. The sound quality of live metal music is never as good as on a CD, the volume threatens to ruin almost everything except the heavy beat. So if I'm going to see a band, I want to SEE it.

I suppose I did have fun though. I was pretty into all the dancing around, screaming and throwing devil horns into the air. But people kept interrupting my flow. Just as I was really getting into it, some asshole of a guy would push me aside to get through the crowd, or some chick would put her hands on my arms until I turned around, freaking out, and let her go past me. Then there was the slightly chubby guy who fainted right in front of me, and some chick nearby kept yelling "get the first aid" without ever moving her own ass to do anything. I really didn't care, he wasn't my friend, I hate people, I hate pretending I care and looking concerned, and there was no way a 50kg female like me could help drag him out. I was so glad when some guys who had been near him took him away. No idea if they were friends of his, but I give them points for acting like real men.

The way metalheads dance is funny. Too much emphasis on the "head" part of head banging. There are a lot of half-assed head nodders, then there are the people who go full on taking their whole upper body with their heads. Mostly I stuck to my own random fusion of hiphop and metal dancing. Hiphop is very much about the knees. If you can bend your knees and bop along to the music, you can dance hiphop. I think the way I moved my hands was also very rap-like, from when Eminem was the only aggressive sort of music I had access to. Add in a little bit of head nodding and head banging, jumping, fist pumping, and devil horns, and that's basically my style. Maybe my foot stomping comes from tap too lol. But you'd be hard pressed to find any of my old ballet classes leaking into my current style.

The audience for Disturbed was also disappointingly obvious. Mostly young adult males. Nearly everyone had a black band shirt on, or if they didn't, they had soon bought one to wear at the merchandise stand. I think people were less decorated than when I saw Nightwish, although there were a few fantastically well made mohawks, the occasional pair of bondage style pants and so on. My appearance this time was slightly closer to the stereotype in that I was wearing a lot more black than I did to Nightwish, but I still made my point. Nearly everything I was wearing I had either altered or made from scratch by myself. My pants had holes cut in them and some rings which I'd sewed on. I knitted my top. I knitted my arm warmers. I even made the choker around my neck. Take that, band shirt wearers. Get some creativity of your own, mall goth types.

Enough about me and the crowd, now for the bands. The support bands were all a bit meh. P.O.D. was ok, better than the other two, but there was too much of the "I'm so great" gangster rap attitude for my liking. Really, I didn't get into it until Disturbed came on, that's when I started giving my devil horns for free, rather than only giving when the bands asked. But I also laughed at Disturbed. I couldn't believe it when Draiman addressed the audience as "brothers, sisters, my blood" or something lame like that. Oh it was so corny. I know it makes for a good show, especially for outcasts who want a group to feel at home in, but seriously... That's what makes me laugh at those goths who dress like zombies or vampires, what is this, halloween? Taking themselves too seriously. I mean, I'm an outcast too, I think I'd like somewhere to fit in, but I just can't get all sentimental like that, not even in the dark cult-like ways.

They were a bit predictable in their choice of songs too. Indestructible was coming from a mile away, since it's also the title of their newest CD. Voices, Stupify and Down With the Sickness were all mandatory. And so on. But then there was the little speech about suicide, don't do it. I knew it was coming, Inside the Fire is about Draiman's girlfriend who suicided, it's a big song and a big issue for him. I just really didn't need to hear all that anti-suicide stuff. Great that they're reaching out and opening up such a hushed topic, but for me, exhaustion and suicide topics don't mix well. I've had the craziest of mood swings over the last month, plus a doctor who is officially looking at my skin but unofficially interested in my mental health, and I'm taking St John's Wort. I just wanted them to get on with the song, I was dancing to a non-existent beat while he rambled on. But he had to say that suicide hurts everyone around you. I know that damnit, I'm still here right? I don't need any more reasons to feel trapped or guilty, and I don't need any more reminders about the worst parts of my life which I've been trying to leave behind me.

Bleagh, better move on before I make this into a self-pitying emo rant. Too late lol. Well, I guess I've just reconfirmed the fact that I don't really fit in any culture or sub-culture. I'm just dark, that's it. My own brand. It would be nice to fit somewhere, to know that I was part of something, but there just doesn't seem to be enough people around who I can relate to, talk to, have fun with, whatever. There are plenty of people with dark interests, but they tend to combine them with things I can't stand, like stupid behaviour, sex obsessions, drug/alcoholism/smoking and so on. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places, but chances are I'd have to go out late at night, which I just can't be bothered to do. Why do people with dark minds think that they have to be night people? I like the night too, but only when it's quiet and/or I'm alone.

At the end of the performance, the crowd followed Draiman in shouting "we are Disturbed". I couldn't do it for the same reasons I couldn't bring myself to buy their t-shirts, because I'm opposed to band worship. I could only shout the last one, "we are ALL disturbed" because it sounded less obviously like band worship and slightly more like a statement about our collective state of mind. But I suppose I'm disturbed in a different way to most other people. I didn't feel connected to the crowd. It was a convenient place to hide while I shouted (from my diaphragm apparently, my singing teacher says that's why my voice didn't hurt so much afterwards, woohoo), but apart from that, I was just feeling the music rather than the atmosphere. To be honest, I felt like it was too crowded. I wanted to stay for the music, but I couldn't wait to get away from all those people.

I suppose the one thing Draiman said that I really do agree with is the fact that their music has been a sort of therapy for me. I'm inclined to think that last year when I was really badly depressed, music helped save me. It still does. I feel bad pretty often, but if I listen to some good heavy music, I guess it helps me release some of that tension I get from living in such a dull world. Maybe that's why I'm suddenly so interested in being a musician myself. I wonder how long it will last. Hopefully longer than my interest in art. Perhaps one day I'll be back on a stage, like when I used to dance. I wonder if I'll ever be in a band, or if I'll make all my music myself like Nine Inch Nails. So while I can't stand the scene, Disturbed definitely does some bloody good music. Maybe next time I'll actually get to SEE them.

Music MySpace

Sat, 22 Mar 2008 06:48:44 GMT

I now have a MySpace for my 'band' called "destroyerdragon".

http://www.myspace.com/destroyerdragon

Enjoy my terrible tunes and destruction of music as an art form. Paha!

The Gothic/Metal Scene

Mon, 04 Feb 2008 02:11:40 GMT

On Friday I went and saw Nightwish at The Enmore. It was my first real experience of the gothic/metal 'scene'.

It was pretty fun. Nightwish are great performers, and kinda cute. I love how foreigners get so excited about the "Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oi Oi Oi" thing. Pehehe, I did lots of jumping and clapping and hollering and that crazy devil horns sign. Knocked my glasses off at one point LOL. So it was great! Although it was hard to hear some of the music with the volume up so loud; excessive noise seems to distort the quality of sound. And my other sadness is that they couldn't do the show someplace like the Opera House with a full on orchestra. Now THAT would be fucking AWESOME.

And the support band was a bit meh. Too loud and too repetitive mostly. The guy had a pretty good voice but I wasn't overly excited.

So now to the people in the 'scene'.

As you can imagine, most were goths or metalheads. Lots of black, band shirts, spikes, fishnets, makeup, dyed hair, piercings, boots, your basic stereotypes. Everyone from your lazy "I wanna advertise my fave bands on my T-shirt" dudes to supergoths with mohawks. Before the doors were opened, all these people were standing in a HUGE line that probably scared away most of the locals. Joining that queue was funny as. I got to walk past them and their stares while dressed in boots, white fishnets, black miniskirt, makeup AND my blue M&Ms T-shirt. Those goths were so damn confused! Pahahahaha!

So, as suspected, a lot of goths are rather disappointing in terms of fashion, going with the safe stereotypes. Claiming individuality, but upon seeing someone as insane as me, they become like your average mainstreamer and stare. Of course, I love the attention, it's so damn amusing. But it's like these people have never had it occur to them that they could do something a little different. Then again, they might've been admiring my style... But I think that's wishful thinking, giving too much credit to them and ignoring their undeniable human nature.

But cheers to the guy who saw me emerge from the bathrooms and said, "HEY! It's an M&M girl!!!" lol. I guess there are still some out there who can appreciate a bit of randomness. Apart from that, all I got was confused staring. Blatant confused staring. Muahahaha!

And now I'm too lazy to talk about the kissing couple, the boring dude in front of me who just stood there passively the whole time, the people who sat down and moped between the support band and Nightwish, the people who danced noisily behind me during the support act but disappeared for Nightwish, the drinks spilt on the floor, the people in the crowd texting, people trying to take crappy photos on their phones, and all that nonsense.

Moo.

Music Junkie

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 11:55:32 GMT

Well I guess I've become a music junkie. Quite by mistake. In the past, I'd only buy one album every 6 months or so. One in a year even. More recently, however, looking up goth got me curious so I started expanding my collection just a little. Now...

In this bout of consumerism:

The Cure
Marilyn Manson
My Chemical Romance
Nile
Siouxsie and the Banshees
Nine Inch Nails (2 albums!)
The Eternal
Opeth

Not only that, but I find myself tempted to make stereotypical goth comments about how lame pop music is. And boy, the makeup is fun! Amongst other things, I've gotten a lot more goth than I imagined I would... Meh, had to happen. If I'd been exposed to all this as a kid, I reckon I'd be seriously into it all in a scary way, knowing the sort of crazy kid I was. Mmmm, electric guitar... Someone get me a drumkit...

I've started listening to a lot of metal. Actually a lot of the stuff I had been listening too was getting closer and closer... But listening to the real deal was a bit of a shock. It was horrible stuff, but I found I wanted to keep listening anyway. It's fantastically maddening.

[Automessage: Due to musical addiction, the author was unable to complete this blog entry.]

*drifts off into space*

One more thing...

Thu, 21 Sep 2006 06:27:29 GMT

Did I mention I like The Wiggles?

Graduation Music

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 11:39:14 GMT

What a bloody shambles. Not only did I completely miss the fact that voting was taking place, I wouldn't have known any of the songs anyway. Then in religion there's some petition going on to get it changed. Um, hello? They're not even gonna let us run out kicking and screaming like we're headed to the mental institution - coz quite clearly that's where many of us will be going - so whatever song it is will look completely out of place. Well, I suppose some brainless bopping will inevitably occur since you humans just can't seem to resist, but I think I'll just walk out and try not to get whatever crap you've chosen stuck in my head.

The song they wanted in religion I think was called 'love generation' or something, and I had no idea what it was until someone sung a bit. To my HORROR they'd been calling it a symbol of our grade, top of the charts for aaaages. YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING! THAT DRONINGLY STUPID NONSENSE!? Clearly there's been a mistake in the evolution of human popular culture - it's not the only song to completely shit me. What about that my humps song and don't cha and, ooo, 95% of all the other stuff that gets churned out of the factory? You know what they're doing with these songs? Brainwashing! They set you up with a low, pounding beat, add a catchy tune, sprinkle it with unintelligent lyrics, then incessantly blare it over the radio and on tv until another lot of braincells commit suicide. While I'll admit to some brilliance among the human race, I must also comment on the ease with which your minds can be controlled through such means. Sure, Doctor Who reckons the human mind can eventually break free of mind control, but I've observed that this only happens if you want to break free.

So what do I consider a good song? For one thing, the tune. It needs to be original, or I might as well tune in to nova. Then it's also gotta have decent lyrics. I consider them important enough that I'll even listen to a song with a bad tune if its lyrics are that brilliant. Unfortunately this apparently leads me in a tendancy for 'emo' music. Or that's what some nitwit accused me of when I tried playing my stuff in the common room, only to have it replaced by her brainless shit. Not naming names, and you're nice people otherwise, but it'd be even nicer if you stopped being so damn pushy and regrew the music part of your brains. And it's not emo! I do not listen to emo! As far as I can tell at least, coz wiki etc. seem to define that as a subgenre of punk, so if Linkin Park is emo punk then I spose I'll have to join that annoying emo group that steals our J0 chairs. Sure, most of the lyrics I like are a tad dark - dark, not necessarily emotional - but others like that Nickleback one, umm... 'If everyone cared' or something, and some of eminem's family themed ones... Linkin Park emo!? Emo!? what are you on, woman! Gosh, if I become a psychologist, you'll be my first patient! Or maybe I'll become a neurosurgeon and poke around your squishy brain!

Clearly I'm becoming overly passionate about this and might punch someone soon. I think this is as good a point as any to stop. COZ WHAT A STUPID FREAK! LINKIN PARK EMO!? EMO!? Oh right, the point. Well quite simply, human popular culture stinks, and since my vote could never turn the stupid masses (in the Bible, God constantly refers to you as sheep) I shall not enjoy the graduation song at all anyway. So there!