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dragonlugiaInterdimensional Fugitive - On the run from the Universe
4/8/2008 GrayRecently I've been calling myself 'Gray'. Amongst other things, it's a bit of a social experiment. At uni, some people have picked it up like there was nothing weird going on. Other people who manage to learn my real name still insist on calling me 'Mariko' and all the mispronunciations that go with it. I've tried explaining my reasons to them, but as usual, speech is too dishonest and inaccurate for me. So today I'll write in a potentially long-winded blog why the hell I'm calling myself 'Gray'. First off, "Mariko" means "clever silk child". Once, that might've been an accurate description of me. But now: I've abandoned my academics, I have no qualities like silk, and my happy childhood days have gone. The only other meaning that the name "Mariko" has for me, is that I used it for my online alter ego from 2001-2006. In 2007, I finally wrote a backstory for her that convinced me I had lost my connection with my closest character. The Destroyer element became the result of misunderstandings rather than innate evil, and the character became very much a repressed and abused clever silk child. Bleagh, so damn sappy. Then, there are all the meanings associated with the word "Gray". Here's a list I threw together:
The significance? God, just use your imagination. It'll take forever for me to spell each out. So I'll just comment on a few. City materials -> inhuman, harsh, uncaring, disconnected. People are shoved together so closely, yet emotionally so far apart. We sit next to strangers on the bus without ever bothering to find out who they are. We acknowledge the existence of others then move on and forget about their individualities. It's bloody fantastic! Black vs white -> Jekyll and Hyde, practically a blueprint for my mind and it took me 19 years before I read and realised it. As Mariko, I controlled and still do control myself to near unbearable excess. It's necessary to do so in order to survive in this society. As Gray, I still only gain such a tiny amount of freedom. How can black be black once tainted by white? Yet Gray does give me some freedom to express the more maddening aspects of my caged personality. Religion (mourning) -> My life was better before I became an atheist. Atheism sucks. It makes the world so damn boring. The rest are pretty easy to figure out, assuming you have half a decent brain. And I was going to say something about my past and present double lives, but it's getting late. I may be catching a cold. 3/22/2008 Music MySpaceI now have a MySpace for my 'band' called "destroyerdragon".
Enjoy my terrible tunes and destruction of music as an art form. Paha! 3/7/2008 Women and FeminismTomorrow is International Women's Day. Should I be celebrating? Sure, early feminism achieved great things for women, but it's like modern feminists won't be happy until they rule humanity. What about an International Men's Day? Only a few countries bother with it, and it has no consistent date. If it's so important to recognise women, then it should be equally important to recognise men. This is why I hate feminism: it puts too much focus on females, and the best evidence for this is the ideology's very name. "Feminism" does not mean equal rights for men and women, it means women women women. That's just stupid.
As a female, most of society tells me I should be grateful for the freedom I am granted, and yeah, I suppose this is better than being gang raped, abused, or tortured under claims of witchcraft. I can vote, work, and theoretically do everything a man can, except where religious traditions get in the way. Great. I have everything I need, don't I?
Apparently not. Men are still more highly paid than women, and at COFA I saw a poster claiming that male students are exhibiting more works than females, even though there are a lot more women than men there. The "womyn" seem to think this is evidence that women are still being repressed. But when you think about it, a lot of mothers actually prefer to stay home and look after the kids, while the poor father does all the hard work to support the family. Men have to be hard working. Isn't it then possible that men are more likely to succeed, and thus earn more money or put on more exhibitions? The fact that women still appear disadvantaged despite all their progress could indicate that primitive people were right to think that on average, females are the weaker sex.
Feminists will think such a statement is a form of blasphemy. But it's like calling black people "blacks". Why should they be offended if it's true? So if females are weaker, should they be offended by someone pointing out the truth? I must also point out that being weaker does not mean you have to be repressed. After all, people with disabilities are weaker than the able bodied population, but that does not stop a one-legged man from becoming a skiing champion.
Feminists are in denial, they go so far as to think they are superior to men. All they end up doing is wasting energy trying to convince everyone they're better, while in fact they just prove what men have thought all along. In the past, women were restricted because it was thought they'd go out and be promiscuous, dress like whores, and generally become out of control. Well, now it's the 3rd Millennium and all you have to do is look at today's female teenagers. They're exactly what men feared all along.
So much of feminism has lead to stupid concepts of female power. Chicks think that they can use their sexuality to get whatever they want out of men. That's ridiculous, all they're doing is submitting in a different way. Then when it backfires, they get raped if they picked a dickhead of a guy.
And why do women insist on wearing makeup? If they need to look good to impress, why don't men use makeup too? This is why I never wear makeup to work, and only wear my crazy makeup when I intend to annoy people. And the other thing is, if a man does wear makeup, he's instantly labelled as gay. He's also gay if he wears a coloured shirt or suit, or has interests that are traditionally feminine. Men are now the ones having restrictions imposed on them. Women can wear pants but men can't wear skirts without the glare of public judgement. Where's the fairness or equality in that?
Society has changed, so that now a woman can go to work while her husband stays home to look after the kids. But there are also single fathers out there with no immediate support. What about mother's groups? "Mother's" groups! And where the hell are the men meant to go? What about the "womyn's room" at COFA? Most of COFA is female anyway, why should they need their own room in order to exclude the minority gender on campus?
As for this crap word, "womyn". What the hell is that? "Womyn"? It looks and sounds lame. To me it just says feminists are ironically admitting that "men" is the dominant part of the word "women". They have to make up their own word to escape male dominance? What idiots! That goes to an absurd symbolic extreme, regardless of whether or not they considered that "men" was missing the "wo".
In Japan, women can work, even if they end up with unimportant jobs like making the boss some tea. When they get married, they usually quit their jobs to become stay-at-home wives and mothers. Japanese feminists have been lobbying to change this, fighting to let women work even after marriage. What they fail to mention is that the men are working insanely long hours. Many leave for work before dawn and return home after sunset. It's a bloody tough life. There is an anti-feminist group among Japanese women who lobby against the feminists. After all, who'd want to work the same hours as men if they can stay at home and do the easier housework? Feminists need to take a step back and look at what they're really fighting for. Women have their equality. All they're fighting for now is a greater burden. Women are oppressing themselves now.
And thus I run out of steam. Happy Womyn's Day for tomorrow, fools. 2/8/2008 Homeopathy, Glorified Sugar PillsI've started taking homeopathy pills even though I know they do nothing. The reason is because I can't swallow pills but I'm trying to learn. Tictacs are too yummy to waste on swallowing, so why not lameass homeopathy tablets?
Basically, homeopathy makes harmless practise pills!
Well anyway, the reason for all this is my crazy day on Tuesday. [Warning: long-winded story initiated.] I was in so much pain with cramps, and I threw up and eventually left work. I bet you wanted to know that lol. But apparently I hyperventilated on my way home, since my hands went tingly numb and my vision went dark and yellow... I thought I might actually faint for the first time in my life. But no, I managed to get on the bus and get off at the right stop. But that's as far as I got.
The old woman who sat next to me on the bus must've thought I was on drugs or something, the way I was wiggling. She moved as soon as another chair freed up. Anyway, once I got off, it was all too much and I crouched in this spot nearby just waiting for things to ease up enough so I could move. Luckily this lady with her kid stopped to help. She went to get her car. Meanwhile another lady with a baby stopped to ask if I was okay and I also rang Dad (hi there if you're reading lol) and while I was on the phone I threw up some more. Good thing there's been so much rain, hehehe.
So yeah, the lady who came back with her car drove me home. She was really nice, and even gave me her phone number for if I needed any more help and to let her know how I was doing. I was glad for the help, coz I really couldn't have walked home in the state I was in, and Dad was still a few minutes too far away.
Yup, so things started to get better once I hopped into bed and started breathing normally. And seeing the doctor is how I found out about hyperventilation, and my low blood pressure. He also suggested I get a blood test just in case, and told me about some pills that could help with the sort of pain I was in. But alas, I can't swallow.
So! The way I see it, things got out of control because I couldn't swallow a pill to get rid of the pain fast enough. The soluble stuff was gross since there's no cordial at work lol. Therefore, for $9 I'm using bogus remedies to train myself to be less mental and just take the damn pills. Things would be so much easier if I could just do it. The pain killers, and maybe some St. Johns Wort or whatever it is next time I feel down.
And that's my story. 2/5/2008 Shrine of VanityI now have me a Shrine of Vanity. See all my unartistic photos on Facebook. Me me me me me!
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